Over the past several weeks, and once more in the past few days, I've been in a battle.
A battle against sin.
One of my besetting sins is my desire to seek glory for myself and the love of the praise of men. And the worst part of it is that I'm seeking glory for myself in my blogging here. So right in the midst of ministry, right as I'm seeking to proclaim Christ and bring glory and praise to God, this insidious selfish and evil desire arises from within me where I seek to glorify self by seeking out the praise of men!
Yesterday I listened to John Piper's message "The One Who Seeks God's Glory Is True," based on John 7:1-24, which affirmed the struggle we have with pride and our love of the praise of men and how despicable that is. (All the excerpts here I took down from the sermon itself; as of yet, there's no text available on the DG site. I'd recommend your opening your Bible and reading the passage so you can follow along with me here.)
First off, these words Jesus' brothers spoke to Jesus struck me.
John 7:3 So his brothers said to him, “Leave here and go to Judea, that your disciples also may see the works you are doing. For no one works in secret if he seeks to be known openly. If you do these things, show yourself to the world..."
I fight the temptations that others might see the works I am doing, to be known openly and to show myself to the world.
In fact, I have struggled with this greatly.
That is an understatement.
Here's Piper:
You cannot believe in Jesus if your root desire is to be praised by other people. Pride at its core is the craving for human approval and if pride is at the root, then faith can't be . . . On the other hand, faith at its core is a humble gladness in the God of grace.
I am in need of faith! I am in need of having that humble gladness in the God of grace!
As of late I've been considering Jesus' words describing (lambasting) the hypocrites in Matthew 6:
1 “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.
2 “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
When I shared my ongoing temptation to act like these hypocrites, a friend reminded me:
"You know the context of these people. You do not wish to be with them!"
No, I do not wish to be with them!
and yet . . .
I find myself in a struggle.
The apostle Paul describes it in Romans 7:
15 I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
I keep wanting to sound my trumpet before men to be praised by men – as much as I know full well I do not wish to be with those who sound their trumpets before men!
The only trumpet the Christian should be sounding is the self-effacing, humble, God-glorifying Gospel trumpet that cries:
"Behold Him! Behold your God! Behold the Lamb!"
Yet how often even in the sounding of that Gospel trumpet (in my writing) my fleshly, prideful, selfish, self-seeking trumpet is crowing disharmoniously right alongside that pure Gospel trumpet, and craving the praise of men and crying out:
"Behold ME! Behold ME, MYSELF and I!"
Oh, that wretched, idolatrous "I"!
How UNLIKE John the Baptist am I . . .
John 3:26 And they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, he who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness—look, he is baptizing, and all are going to him.” 27 John answered, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. 28 You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.’ 29 The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. 30 He must increase, but I must decrease.”
He must increase, but I must decrease.
O, to decrease so He might increase!
The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. 30 He must increase, but I must decrease.
O, to be the Bridegroom's friend and have my joy complete!
I confess I don't like decreasing.
But while I'm fighting decreasing, and while I seeking my own glory and blowing my own trumpet, I am totally miserable.
As I result I miss out on that complete joy!
Of course, the Spirit of God who dwells in me is all about decreasing and glorifying Jesus:
John 16:13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. 14 He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you.
Hence my current struggle.
Not quite along the same lines at the passage in John 3 (since that involved John the Baptist in comparison with Jesus' own ministry) – but when I see other bloggers getting readers and comments, my eyes glow green and my heart burns with lust.
James 4:2 ... Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?
Colossians 3:5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: . . . covetousness, which is idolatry.
If I were Spirit-controlled, I would be all about making Jesus Christ known, I would be happy to be the friend of the Bridegroom, and it wouldn't bother me if I weren't known.
If I were Spirit-controlled, I would be all about God's glory, I would be happy to be the friend of the Bridegroom, and it wouldn't bother me if I didn't get glory.
Here I am writing and trying to make Jesus Christ known and seeking God's glory.
Or am I?
Am I really more about
my being known?
Am I really more about my own glory?
The apostle Paul knew this similar struggle. No wonder why he kept emphasizing the cross for the cross allows no room for self-promotion, self-exaltation or self-glorification!
I Corinthians 2:2 For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.
Galatians 6:14 But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.
Here's another verse from John 7 that struck me:
John 7:18 The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory, but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood.
And now, more from Piper's sermon (emphasis, mine):
The mark of truth ... This is a true person ... is GOD-exaltation, NOT SELF-exaltation. ... Or, even better – God-exaltation at the expense of self-humiliation. That's the mark of truth. This person is true. . . . You wanna be a true person. . .
They [Jesus' brothers] didn't. The brothers didn't.
Jesus is choosing NOT to go up there [to Jerusalem] and make a name for Himself and get everybody to praise them and have His brothers on His coattails getting vicarious praises, "That's our brother! That's our brother!"
And Jesus is saying, "I'm going to go up here and die. I'm going to be infinitely shamed. This is NOT what you want. You don't believe."
(Caution: Don't stumble over the fact that in other places, Jesus does direct attention to His own glory. . . Jesus is one of a kind. He is the God-man. . . . He must show us how humans live for the glory of God and not themselves. He must. He's human. He's the perfect human. He must show us. That's what humans do: they don't live for their own glory – they live for God's glory. Their joy comes not because it's not rooted in self-exaltation but GOD-exaltation. He's doing that here in chapter 7.
But He's God, which means . . . the very fact that He humbles Himself, denies Himself, accepts shame upon Himself and does not exalt Himself is part of what deity in humanity is willing to do which makes the deity all the more glorious. So that when He is drawing attention to His own glory . . . part of that glory as the God-man is that He died for us . . . )
Then Piper read John 7:7 (The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify about it that its works are evil) and spoke as if he were Jesus addressing His brothers:
"You're driven at root by the same thing they're [the world] driven by: pride, the praise of men, the love of approval. Hungry. Hungry to be liked and praised and admired. It's the universal human craving."
And then he went back to John 7:18:
The mark of falsehood. He who seeks the glory of Him who sent Him is TRUE. [John 7:18] – What is the mark of FALSEHOOD? Wanting your own glory over God's. That's what EVIL is – doing things for your own glory and NOT God's."
Once again, Piper is speaking here as if he were Jesus addressing His brothers:
"Your heart cannot see or submit to how radically I will choose rejection and reviling and persecution and scorn and suffering and death. You can't see it. You can't submit to it because of your love affair with the praise of men."
Gettin' close to anybody? See why this is so relevant for me . . . *Piper's voice cracking there.*
Oh, yes, it gettin' close to me! So relevant for me also, Dr. Piper!
To summarize:
The mark of truth and goodness: God-exaltation, self-humiliation and seeking God's glory. This comes from making Jesus Christ our first Love and resting in a humble gladness in the God of grace.
The mark of falsehood and evil: self-exaltation and seeking our own glory. This comes from our love affair with the praise of men and a restless craving for the approval of men.
So then, in a similar vein to the disciples' wonderment and questioning after His conversation with the rich ruler (Matthew 19, Mark 10, Luke 18 – "Who then can be saved?"), I have found myself asking
- Who then can be good and true?
- Are we not all evil and all false?
- Am I not all evil and all false?
- Who then can be a true minister?
- How then can I claim to be a true minister?
- How then can I claim to be a true minister in the line of Jesus?
- How then can I be a true minister?
- How then do I end up acting like a minister in the line of Adam rather than in the line of last Adam – even though I have been born again of the Spirit?
My flesh fights and lusts and claws and scratches and seeks to pick up and sound that evil and false trumpet:
"Behold ME! To ME be all the glory!"
In contrast, the Spirit of God has come to bring glory to Jesus Christ. Therefore, as I walk by the Spirit, as I write by the Spirit, as I live by the Spirit, I will NOT fulfill the lusts of my flesh, and so the only trumpet I will be constrained to sound is the good and true trumpet:
"Behold HIM! Not to me, but to YOU, O Lord, be all the glory!"
There is NO joy, NO peace, NO rest for me as I insist on sounding my own trumpet! I know this. I am tired, so tired, of sounding my trumpet over and over – that evil and false trumpet.
Please pray for God to strengthen me to put to death that evil and false and idolatrous trumpet and exchange it for the good and true trumpet, so I might sound it to the glory of God and have the joy, peace and rest God desires for me.
O, that the desire of my soul might be for the remembrance of HIS name and HIS glory - not mine!
Related:
the gall of bitterness (receiving glory from one another ~ ministry's temptation)
dreams grasped, dreams released | letter 104 on assurance & fighting for joy
Why do I write poetry?
but made Himself of no reputation ~ O, for grace to be a doorkeeper! (Philippians 2, Psalm 84)
Pressing on in the New Year
Postcards from God in England: the frisking at Heathrow
Why I write and minister - My credo for being a godly encourager
Why I blog and the only kind of recommendation I should seek
Make war (Herod, blogging, appetites, the glory of God & the Word of God)
blogging, view count, comments, numbers and the glory of God
Here I stand & from here I cast (devoted to prayer & the ministry of the Word)
transparency in blogging & the struggle for sanctification
one woman's (not so secret) addiction
the minister's examination: "Who is my master?"
I keep seeking (the minister's confession)
the lost treasures of the Church: fools who preach Christ with great joy (letter 86)
"How mad a true minister of Christ must appear in the eyes of many!" (more from W.H. Hewitson)
a conversation with Jesus about misplaced joy ("do not rejoice in this" - letter 73 on joy)
my notes on Tim Keller's talk on idols @ The Gospel Coalition Conference
Letter 25 on assurance and fighting for joy (a strong craving ≠ His joy)
Links to my posts on true and false religion and legalism
Photo credits:
"Walpurgis" found at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Walpurgis.jpg / CC BY-SA 3.0 (public domain)
"Trumpet_1" found at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Trumpet_1.jpg / CC BY-SA 3.0
Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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