(Letter 163 in my series of posts on assurance and fighting for joy...)

Yesterday @TheXangaTeam announced they're going to a paid blogging platform, and that there is a possibility that Xanga may be shutting down for good after July 15 (link).
 
Many thoughts went through my head, the primary one being that I really wanted to have a publicly saved record of what I'd written here in case Xanga does end up shutting its doors for good. I do have all the archives of my blogs downloaded onto my laptop, so that's not really the issue. I started blogging at this site in 2007, and since then I added a couple more blogs...

• this site (http://napthali_deer.xanga.com), opened 2/12/2007, with 1344 public posts.
• tent of meeting (http://tent_of_meeting.xanga.com), opened 3/28/2009, with 204 public posts.
• deerlife (http://deerlife.xanga.com), opened 3/14/2010, with 70 public posts.

If you do the math, that's 1618 public posts, not including this one. Now, granted, as I reread a lot of my first posts here, I squirm, as I had been barely on the edge of and just beginning to dip my toes into the vast and glorious ocean of the doctrines of grace (a.k.a. Calvinism) –– but now I've taken the full plunge! But I have decided to keep all my posts as I had first written them, as they are for a record of the journey God has had me on.

In light of the Xanga announcement yesterday, I could see I was beginning to react out of my flesh, rather than respond in God's Spirit, and I knew I wasn't in a very good place at all –– far from it! I was becoming fearful, worried, upset, and anxious. I was quickly sliding down into that noxious place of grumbling, murmuring, and whining –- headed full-steam down a path very far away from exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit!

I went for a walk yesterday afternoon and tried to listen to some sermons to numb and distract myself, to escape and avoid the circumstance that was looming in front of me –– and in a vain and futile attempt to avoid looking at my own deceitful and desperately wicked heart.

As I was walking, I was chewing on the sovereignty of God in permitting this to happen: for God to lead me here to Xanga and then to lead me to the possibility that all I've written here could be snuffed out very soon...

Then, in His merciful kindness, the Hound of Heaven came down that path pursuing me (Psalm 23:6) and began to shake me and bring me back to my senses with these verses from Colossians 1:

15  He [the Lord Jesus Christ] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16  For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. 17  And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18  And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. (ESV)

15 He [the Lord Jesus Christ] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence.

God created Xanga. Xanga was created through Him and for Him. And He was and is before all things, including Xanga, and in Him Xanga has held together together. Why?

No matter what's happening here in this little corner of the world known as Xanga, the Lord Jesus Christ will have the preeminence. Xanga or no Xanga –– in spite of all appearances –– the Lord Jesus Christ IS going to get the preeminence! (God's sovereignty continues to be my sanity!)

In Isaiah 63:7-14, there's a recounting of God's deliverance of Israel from Egypt, and we read of God's purposes there:

God's thoughts and God's ways are higher than ours.... inscrutable and unsearchable and unfathomable! Whenever we ... whenever I whine and complain, I am attempting to be His counselor! God, be merciful to me, a sinner!

Romans 11:33 Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!

34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has become His counselor?”
35 “Or who has first given to Him
And it shall be repaid to him?”
36 For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.

God's desire is that His name might be displayed and made everlasting and glorious, that He alone might receive glory forever and ever –– or, as the apostle Paul writes in Colossians 1, that the Lord Jesus Christ might be preeminent.

All things (Xanga's continuing OR closing) are heading toward this one great and glorious and wonderful end (in truth, it's just a beginning!):

Philippians 2:9 Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Revelation 5:8 Now when He had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each having a harp, and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. 9 And they sang a new song, saying:

“You are worthy to take the scroll,
And to open its seals;
For You were slain,
And have redeemed us to God by Your blood
Out of every tribe and tongue and people and nation,
10 And have made us kings and priests to our God;
And we shall reign on the earth.”

11 Then I looked, and I heard the voice of many angels around the throne, the living creatures, and the elders; and the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands, 12 saying with a loud voice:

“Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
To receive power and riches and wisdom,
And strength and honor and glory and blessing!”

13 And every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying:

“Blessing and honor and glory and power
Be to Him who sits on the throne,
And to the Lamb, forever and ever!”

14 Then the four living creatures said, “Amen!” And the twenty-four elders fell down and worshiped Him who lives forever and ever.

And everything (Xanga's continuance or Xanga's closing) has been foreordained with that end in mind!

In the meantime, as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, I am to walk worthy of God's calling... no matter what happens ... whether there will be any Xanga after July 15 or not...

And then I was brought back to these earlier verses in Colossians 1, and I was chastened, for I could see how desperately short I was falling:

9 For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy...

I WASN'T walking with joy, and I hated that, and I despised myself for that... particularly because of how much I have tasted and seen God's goodness –– how much God has shown Himself to me and has continued to impress His mercy, love, grace and care upon me in so many wonderful ways, pouring out grace upon grace upon grace; and particularly as I've exhorted others that the joy of the Lord is available to all believers (Psalm 86:4), and even how I had just spoken of those verses in Colossians 1 to a friend the night before! ... I was humbled as I saw how very weak I still am, and how faulty and ill-formed my foundation of faith in Jesus Christ still is, and how wholly reliant I must always be on His strengthening and glorious power, and how constant in prayer I must be for His strengthening and glorious power, so I might rejoice in the Lord always, to shine as a light in this dark world, to the praise of His glorious grace!

Unlike the pilgrims scattered abroad, to whom Peter was writing, in my current trial, I was NOT rejoicing with joy inexpressible and full of glory (I Peter 1:3-9). But thanks be to God for His manifold mercies and His kindness in Jesus Christ –– He continues to stretch His hands out to a disobedient and contrary child such as myself, and leads me to repentance through His Holy Spirit through His Holy Word –– which at that point was continuing to pierce and discern and cut deeper and deeper and deeper ... (Job 5:17 Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects; Therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. 18 For He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole.)

Hebrews 4:11 Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall according to the same example of disobedience. 12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.

After having been reminded of God's sovereignty over all things for the preeminence of the Lord Jesus Christ, and my lack of joy due to my not resting in Christ as I ought –– on top of all that, the story of the fire that burned up years of William Carey's (1761-1834) work was brought to mind. I was already familiar with this event, but I recently heard about it again in John Piper's sermon "The Lord Stood By Me . . . That All the Nations Might Hear,"  which I'd listened to a couple weeks ago:

William Carey, the father of modern missions left for India from England in 1793 and never came home. He labored 40 years without a furlough. He lost two of his three wives in death. When he had a fever they attached 110 leeches to his thigh. And on March 11, 1812—after almost 20 years of work—a fire broke out and destroyed years of irreplaceable work. The draft of the great polyglot dictionary. The Sikh and Telugu grammars. Ten version [sic] of Bible that had been going through the press. The translation of the Ramayana which he and his partners had been working on for six years.

Carey was out of town in Calcutta. When Marshman told him tears filled his eyes, and later he said,

In one short evening the labours of years are consumed. How unsearchable are the ways of God! I had lately brought some things to the utmost of perfection of which they seemed capable, and contemplated the missionary establishment with perhaps too much self-congratulation. The Lord has laid me low, that I may look more simply to him (Mary Drewry, William Carey: A Biography, p. 154).

Source: http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/the-lord-stood-by-me-that-all-the-nations-might-hear / By John Piper. ©2013 Desiring God Foundation. Website: desiringGod.org

When I thought of my blogging in comparison to twenty years of Carey's (and the other missionaries') work in frontier missions, there's really no comparison at all! When I thought of the fact that I have full archives of all my blogs sitting safely in the memory of my laptop (as well as in the time machine backup), there's no comparison at all! And with that, I could see how weak and despicable and unprepared for any true suffering I really was.... And, I could also see how I am too prone to much self-congratulation, and how quickly I can forget that anything I write here of any worth, i.e. - anything that will withstand the fire of God's judgment – is all of Him, and it is all to His praise, honor, and glory alone ~ e.g. - Psalm 115:1; Isaiah 26:12; I Cor. 3:7; John 15:1-8.

At that point, as I considered the fire that consumed years and years of Carey's work, more Scripture (this time from Hebrews 10), was brought to mind to show me once more how I was not resting in Christ as I should have been. This commendation of the Jewish Christians was in such marked contrast to my own state:

I was NOT joyfully accepting the potential plundering of my goods (of my blog writings). I had been too easily been tossed about for I had lost sight of the better and enduring possession -- a knowledge of God Himself through the Lord Jesus Christ!

Holy God, forgive me for hardening my heart and not entering into Your rest. Thank You that Your goodness and mercy pursued me even to the pig sty of my own making, and Your kindness brought me back to my senses and to repentance! Grant me an increased sight and taste of Your glorious and all-surpassing riches. Strengthen me by Your Word and Your Holy Spirit, so that no matter my circumstances (Xanga or no Xanga), I might pray without ceasing and be diligent to enter Your rest, to walk with patience and longsuffering with joyfulness, that I might joyfully accept the plundering of my goods as I more fully and firmly embrace and enjoy You alone as the better and enduring possession, and find everlasting rest, durable peace, strong consolation, unspeakable joy, and unsearchable riches, and an incorruptible inheritance in You alone, even as I walk as a pilgrim here in this uncertain, turbulent, and stormy world. Hallelujah! What a Savior! Gracious God, thank you for laying me low like William Carey, that I may look more simply to You!

Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

This past Sunday, Christians around the world celebrated the empty tomb and the resurrection from the dead of our Lord Jesus Christ. We worshiped by singing lyrics such as:

(Robert Lowry)

How many of us are living AS IF GOD WERE DEAD?

How many of us become fearful, fretful, and frozen when faced with changing, perplexing, challenging, and trying circumstances all because we live as if God were dead? (Can we really call that living? ...) When storms come our way, how quickly do we forget that God's covenant mercies and love for His elect in Jesus Christ are everlasting, that His Kingdom is an everlasting Kingdom, that His government has no end, and that our God is working all things for our good, and our Father delights to give us the Kingdom and to shower out upon us and to load us up daily with His unsearchable, inexhaustible, incorruptible, undefiled riches, and that our inheritance in Christ is a good and pleasant and blessed inheritance ~ He is our great reward and is altogether lovely! ... that there is none that compares to our Beloved! How often do we pray to our Father in heaven for earthly bread for our bodies (or how often do we pray for other earthly blessings) –– and yet how seldom do we ask, seek, and knock for the gift of the Holy Spirit to renew, restore and revive our souls when we are dry and weary? (See Luke 11:1-13 and Isaiah 44:1-5; see also here.) 

William Roberts... "had lost sight of providence... had slipped in his mind ... as if God was dead."

William Roberts was a friend of the Welsh Calvinistic minister John Elias (1774-1842). When faced with a time of trial and great loss, Mr. Roberts was discovered to be a Christian who was living as if Christ were dead...

    Mrs Elias dealt in drapery and millinery, it was her name 'Elizabeth Elias' – which appeared above the door of the shop. The goods for sale came from the wholesale merchants in Liverpool and were shipped from the to the little harbour of Porth Amlwch Elias' s kinsman, William Roberts of Amlwch, and his wife were engaged in the same trade. In April 1818 the new ship, Marchioness, carrying goods from Liverpool to Anglesey was driven by a storm and was wrecked on Dulas beach. Pirates and thieves ran to the wreck, and completed the work of the storm, by taking away everything moveable from the ship and numbers of small business people of the island – including Mr and Mrs Roberts, and Mrs Elias suffered great losses.

    William Roberts, who was newly married, was distracted, and in his desperation went to Llanfechell to consult with his kinsman; but Elias was not at home. The nature of Roberts’ visit is made clear in the following playful yet penetrating letter which Elias wrote to his kinsman after returning home.

Llanfechell I8 April 1818

My dear brother, I am sorry that I have to make a complaint against a kinsman of mine, who lives a short distance from me to the east, who one day visited my family, who were beset by a little trial. I would have thought that my pious kinsman would have given them good counsel, cautioning them against grumbling, and exhorting them to submit to the wise vicissitudes of providence; comforting them, and showing them that all things work for good, etc. But my kinsman, too, was in a misfortune of the same nature; he had lost sight of providence in what had happened to him, and had slipped in his mind as if God had forgotten him, or that God was dead; and that no one could sustain him any more, and prosper him in his circumstances and give him a bite of bread. He had forgotten Job’s example; he had forgotten the 6th of Matthew and the 12th of Luke, or else he had cast doubt on the veracity of these chapters. Thus, instead of giving my family a good example, and good counsel suitable for the occasion, he behaved as one who had no belief in God, knowing not how to trust him under his chastisement, looking up to him through clouds hid him from sight. He spoke like the Gentiles who know not God, and threw my family into a deeper despondency. If you know my kinsman, and if you are conversant with the state of his mind these days, please endeavour to convince him; try to turn his face towards God’s rule over all things; that he at all times orders matters for the best purpose; that in tribulations and crosses one must exercise trust and submission; and must avoid thinking, in the midst of the darkest night, that God cannot change it into shining daylight, causing the light to chase away the blackest darkness. Say, also, to my kinsman (if you find opportunity to meet him), to beware of killing the new kind and tender wife that he has been presented, through his dissatisfaction; and remember to quote these words to him: ‘Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest not thou thyself?' Please also inform him that I have not written this as a Stoic, but with my eye fixed on God’s providence, believing that he makes all things good, and that it is possible to be joyful in him though bereft of the things of this world.

    Yet, in spite of all this, I would gladly welcome my kinsman here as often as he likes!

    Give my kind regards to Mrs Roberts. I hope she finds support to live far more devoutly than the person mentioned above.

    I am, your afflicted friend and brother and fellow-labourer.

~ from "John Elias: Life, Letters and Essays" by Edward Morgan (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 1973, revised edition published in one volume), 77-78, emphasis mine.

Thou bruised and broken Bread,
My life-long wants supply;
As living souls are fed,
O feed me, or I die.
(John Samuel Bewley Monsell, Jr.)

Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,
Pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but Thou art mighty;
Hold me with Thy powerful hand.
Bread of Heaven, Bread of Heaven,
Feed me till I want no more;
Feed me till I want no more.
(William Williams, tr. by Peter Williams)

Do you doubt the veracity of Jesus' own words in Matthew 6 and Luke 12, and stagger at His promise to provide all-sufficient and overflowing spiritual sustenance to you through Himself?

John 6:35  Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst....  47  Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life. 48  I am the bread of life. 49  Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. 50  This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. 51  I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh."

John 7:37  On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. 38  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” 39  Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.

John 4:13  Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14  but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 15  The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.”

When was the last time you fervently sought to experience and enjoy the birthright that is already yours as a child of God and pleaded His promises to Him to give you this water?

Rather than standing firm in faith, do you find yourself reacting like Roberts –– as if you have "no belief in God, knowing not how to trust him under his chastisement"?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
6  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”

7  It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8  If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9  Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10  For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

* * *

He [Robert Murray M'Cheyne] came to Edinburgh on the 11th, to attend the meeting of ministers and elders who had come together to sign the Solemn Engagement in defence of the liberties of Christ's Church. He hesitated not to put his hand to the Engagement. He then returned to Dundee; and scarcely had he returned, when he was laid aside by one of those attacks of illness with which he was so ofted tried. In this case, however, it soon passed away. "My health," he remarked, "has taken a gracious turn, which should make me look up." But again, on September 6th, an attack of fever laid him down for six days. On this occasion, just before the sickness came on, three persons had visited him, to tell him how they were brought to Christ under his ministry some years before. "Why," he noted in his journal, "Why has God brought these cases before me this week? Surely he is preparing me for some trial of faith." The result proved that his conjecture was just. And while his Master prepared him beforehand for these trials, he had ends to accomplish in his servant by means of them. There were other trials also, besides these, which were very heavy to him; but in all we could discern the husbandman pruning the branch, that it might bear more fruit. As he himself said one day in the church of Abernyte, when he was assisting Mr Manson, "If we only saw the whole, we should see that the father is doing little else in the world but training his vines."

~ from "Memoir & Remains of Robert Murray M'Cheyne" by Andrew A. Bonar, 137

May the God of all grace make all grace abound to us,
so we might not live as if God was dead,
so we might not grumble, doubt, and languish in times of trial and loss,
but rather be strengthened in faith and thrive through Him
as we enter into a true and lively knowledge of God as
the Living God, really existing, and the giver of life to us!

Related:

My other letters on assurance and fighting for joy here, including:

• Letter 11 on assurance and fighting for joy (the Lord is at hand! - Philippians 4)
• Letter 15 on assurance and fighting for joy (Joy is a gift of God, more than a feeling)
• Letter 16 on assurance and fighting for joy (our prayers, His wise denials and joy)
• Shall we not drink the cup the Father has given us? (Letter 53 on assurance & fighting for joy)
• our Father's discipline, William Cowper on trials & sufferings (letter 61 on assurance & joy)
• Are you a radiant Christian or a drunken old woman? (letter 82 on assurance & fighting for joy)
• Rejoicing here on the Potter's Wheel (Psalm 66) | Letter 96 on assurance & joy
• disappointment ~ appointment | letter 119 on assurance & fighting for joy
• Three Years Later: Dancing & Skipping with Mrs. Durham | Letter 147 on fighting for joy

Other related posts:

• What is your attitude toward trials and sufferings? ~ Whitefield's Journals
• Her Eyes Were Still Restrained ~ "When it looks like he is buried for good..."
• Lent I.–Suffering and Glory
• Our Twisted View of God
• Kingdom-Obsessed People don't keep looking in the rear view mirror at past hurts, # 5
• All things (even bad things) work together for good...
• The story of Job: bad luck, God's sovereign will or ?
• praying cancer is for the glory of God
• some reflections about prayer
• Bible Reading: II Corinthians 1-Blessings out of buffetings (Alan Redpath)
• God's sovereign grace & care in Genesis (the story of Joseph)
• To take whatever thy Father's pleasure | "May adversities uninterrupted be my lot" ~ Edward Griffin
• "you would begin by blowing out all his lamps..." ~ Edward Payson
• Are you keeping calm & carrying on? Do you react or respond? ~ Isaiah 7:1-9
• Bible Reading-Isaiah: When We Think the LORD Has Forsaken and Forgotten Us
• "Ah! But the Comforter!" (Pentecost's Peace and Rest ~ John 14:1, 23-27)
• Why not pray for the baptism of the Holy Spirit?

HT for the M'Cheyne text:  http://books.google.com/books?id=JIY6AAAAcAAJ&pg=PR3#v=onepage&q&f=false.

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Work found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Caravaggio_-_La_Deposizione_di_Cristo.jpg / {{PD-Art|PD-old-100}} / CC BY-SA 3.0.