February 3, 2011

• Why do I write poetry?

  My blog is often a hodgepodge of things. I really like doing exposition of the Word of God, not exactly sermons, but I love to pull apart verses and dig into them.

  But sometimes I end up writing poetry of some sort. Well, as a disclaimer, I do realize my so-called poetry (or hymns) isn't really structured or often really good poetry if it were to be graded in a classroom. If you've noticed, I've been writing a lot of poetry lately. I feel I've been put through the wringer over and over again since a short while before Christmas, and in particular in the past few weeks, and poetry lends itself well to expressing those experiences.

  Honestly, I do have a slew of posts I'd like to write, which are much more direct teaching. I have things sitting from well over a year ago I'd like to write, but there they sit.

  So before I get more into why I write poetry, this leads right back to my reason for blogging here. In case you're relatively new here I'd encourage you to see my posts here, here, here and here, but in summary...

  By the grace of God at work in me, I'm striving to write here what God is teaching me and laying on my heart to write. I consider my writing a stewardship and want it to glorify and honor God and edify the Body of Christ, and if I'm not obedient in His leading, than I'm not going to end up doing either. I don't consider myself here but accident and I know I will be held accountable for every idle word.

  Hence, the hodgepodge. In other words, some days you'll get poetry, some days you won't. You know about that box of chocolates, same here; you never know what you'll get. But in it all, my desire is to be found pleasing to the Lord and to hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"
  
  
  Now to answer the original question I posed, Why do I write poetry?

  1. The Bible itself contains poetry. Since poetry is part of the Word of God, we know that in the same way our own poetry, as the Spirit breaths life into it and in those who read it, though not on an equal footing with Scripture, can be used by the Lord for teaching, reproof, instruction, training in righteousness, to help one another be competent and equipped for every good work (II Timothy 3:16-17).

  We know that some of the greatest teaching can come through poetry or hymns. After all consider that a large portion of the Bible is poetry of one type or another, not only Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon but also many portions throughout, including in many of the prophetic books.

  2. Poetry very often best expresses the depths of my heart and my own experiences and helps Christ be formed in me. As the Holy Spirit is working in conjunction with the Word of God and begins to search the thoughts and intents of my heart, sometimes my best or my only response to all that is a poem. Scripture or phrases will come to mind and then I begin to be carried along with those. Sometimes those poems get published, sometimes not. Sometimes they don't even get completed. But my writing and my journaling, regardless of the genre, published or not, is definitely all means of grace God has given me to help strengthen me in my walk with Him, to help me to pour out my heart to Him, and in particular to help me begin to see myself again rightly in His light at those times I begin straying into the darkness and also to be able to exult and exalt Him in ways that prose isn't as well suited to do.

  You may not be familiar with the phrase Christ being formed in me. That's from Galatians 4:19 ... my little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you! Another word for that is sanctification. Any means rightly used that assists us in our sanctification is a good thing, and for me writing is one of those means. (When I started blogging here I tagged things formation and have stayed with that, and there's no way I would be able to go back and re-tag them all sanctification, but if you're looking for anything on sanctification, please check out my posts tagged formation (also holiness).)

  I consider writing a wonderful gift of God. I know not everyone likes writing, but I consider it a vital spiritual discipline in my life, to help me to press on in the Christian life in so many ways, most of which I'm not going to get into today.

  As I write, it so often cements the Word of God in my heart more deeply than if I didn't write. I can't explain that. It happens.

  I've seen that my writing not only helps me to grow in various aspects of the Christian life, but it also equips me to come alongside others who are having similar struggles, temptations, questions and so forth.

  As Christ is being formed in me, along with the apostle Paul I am so blessed and honored to be used by the Lord as I see Christ being formed in you as I bring you some drops of the Living Water He has given me to drink and then to encourage you to go and drink from Christ Himself for it is He alone who has the words of eternal life. If you're not doing that, if you're not coming away from reading what I write with more of a hunger and thirst for the living God and an increased desire to follow hard after Christ, then I feel what I'm doing here is really a waste. Please, please, go to the spring of living water yourself! You must do this to truly live the Christ life God has intended for you! You can't keep getting the living water secondhand! Whosoever is thirsty, go to Him and drink!

  3. What I wanted to be when I grew up. A little background ... I've always liked writing. In fact, when I was in fifth grade, we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. I remember saying I wanted to be an author and a teacher. Well, not that I am grown up over 40 years later! – but I have been given the privilege to write and teach. No, I have no English degree, I have no religion degree, I have no seminary degree, I have no teaching degree. Heh. But here I am! The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. (And I will tell you if you knew my verbal SAT score, I would be laughed off Xanga. A prime indicator He uses the weak and foolish things of this world!)

  And no, I'm not teaching or writing as an occupation but as an avocation – and I will confess blogging puts me in the fire regularly where I'm faced with constant struggles to compare myself to others, but both teaching and writing do bless me immensely as I am able to preach the Gospel and exult and exalt in Christ to souls all over the world through my blogging!

  4. Poetry expresses the common and universal experiences, emotions and temptations of men and the character of God and the great Biblical doctrines in a unique and powerful way. Honestly, it's sometimes often a lot easier for me to write Bible exposition than to write a poem because the poetry very often touches the deepest parts of my heart. I'm not saying that doesn't happen in my other writing, for it does, but there's something different about poetry that very often lends itself to that. My poems (or my hymns) in particular are really opening myself up and showing you some of the deepest things of my mind and heart, things I'm currently struggling with or have recently struggled with and some of my most intimate moments with the living God. And so I find myself carried away to both the heights of joy as well as the depths of despair in the writing itself.

  Psalm 39:3  My heart became hot within me.
  As I mused, the fire burned;
  then I spoke with my tongue:

  Or, I might say, then I typed with the keyboard . . .

  Pretty much all I write (not only my poems) comes straight from my own experiences. But very often, rather than giving you a play-by-play or blow-by-blow detailed description of the thoughts and intents of my heart as the Spirit is revealing them to me, I write poems. Yes, they're usually cryptic, but that way, I don't end up in a rant which might incriminate someone else, and I might regret later, or that I don't end up revealing things that are best kept between myself and a good friend or two, or even should be kept between myself and the Lord alone. I do want to be honest and transparent about my struggles, but as I write, I want what I write to honor those I know as well as the Lord.

  Just as we read the experiences of the psalmists as well as the other Biblical writers and we can be impacted by them even though we've not been put into their own particular situations or even know many of those particulars, so too I can write a poem about something, and you may have absolutely no idea of my particular situation, yet you can come and read it and the Holy Spirit can speak to you through it in some way. I've seen that happen and it blesses me, especially since as I know a few of you, and I know you are struggling with some very different things than I am, and yet as Christians, we all share that common struggle against sin, the devil and the world, and we are all on pilgrimage here to seek the face of the living God, striving to drink the living water and experience the living reality of the life and love and joy and peace of the Lord Jesus Christ in increasing measure.

  "Doctrine! You're talking about doctrine?" Yes, I am! I love doctrine, and my hope and prayer for you is that you come to love doctrine more and more, for that's the real key to coming to love Christ more and more.

  But when I'm about to write a poem, it's not that I sit down and say something like . . .

  "Hmm... Let's see now ... Biblical doctrine tells us we shall have no other gods before the LORD and He alone is worthy of all our praise and affection, so today I would like to write about someone who needs to put aside their idols in order to have the peace and joy of the Lord and give Him the glory and honor due His Name."

  No, that's not exactly what happened the other day. I didn't think through the doctrine first and then decide I should write about it, however that is the content of the poem that did get written, dreams grasped, dreams released. The poem was written only as I saw my own sinful, idolatrous state in light of the character of God as revealed in the Word of God, and I knew I desperately needed to write that poem (pray that prayer) for my own soul. So, see how the doctrine of the Bible was being brought home to me by the Holy Spirit, and as a result the poem was written. HT: my writing that poem was prompted in part by GreekPhysique's post on dreams. I'll say I'd already been considering how I was needing to release some dreams of mine which had clearly become idols, to tell them, "Be gone!" (~ Isaiah 30) for I could see I'd been setting my affections on them, rather than on Christ and on things above. They were taking His rightful place as my first Love.

  And so I realized it was time to write as I was compelled to do so. I wasn't sure how it would turn out, if it'd be published or not, but after several things building, and my seeing I was at the point where I knew I had to pour it out to Christ in a way I'd not really done. Idolatry is a back-breaker, a heart-smasher, a life-sapper, a burden that is always heavy and oppressive and destructive – and finally God gave me grace so I might let it go and take Christ's easy yoke and light burden to truly live again as He intends.

  As I began the writing, I wasn't quite sure where it would go or how it would end up, but there were snatches of words here and there. So, for example, the little phrases came first:

  dreams grasped

  desperately held
  sure to be felled

  when held more tightly
  than the Lord Almighty

  Over the past few weeks many things had been building. Many of the temptations and sins I'd struggled with in the past were rising up and all coming together to make for the perfect storm. I found my mind filled with thoughts like:

  "I wish."
  "I want."
  "Why isn't ... happening?"
  "How much longer?"
  Why can't I ... ?"
  "Why am I here?"
  "Why?"

  I was at a very bad and very low point, a point where I had to relinquish (once again) my dreams and my desires and entrust myself to Christ because I was really to the point of being crushed and consumed by it all. Self always suffocates. Christ alone liberates. I desperately needed the Spirit of God to come and breathe into me once again! Of course, this is a continuing process all along our pilgrimage here on this earth. Thank God He gave me the ability to turn to Him. Jeremiah 31:18 (KJV) I have surely heard Ephraim bemoaning himself thus; Thou hast chastised me, and I was chastised, as a bullock unaccustomed to the yoke: turn thou me, and I shall be turned; for thou art the LORD my God.

  I will add that though I'd found some relief just over a week ago, the Lord was gracious and put me back into the fire, and the hottest came last Saturday, which was wholly necessary for my soul's welfare, that "if need be" from I Peter 1! Yes, I would have preferred to settle for "Peace! Peace!" and the untempered mortar, but God loved me so much to put me back there. He chastens those He loves!

  I'm going to include something more here because I have the impression that some of you who read of my highest and best experiences and my continuing encouragements to you to fight for joy and to drink of the living water are frustrated with what I'm writing. I'm wondering if you may be discounting or missing these other experiences of which I write since they're often in this poetic form, and so you don't really understand the depths to which the Lord takes me, and you don't think I can relate to your distress, depression or dismay. In case you have any doubts about it, I have experienced that dark night of the soul. I don't say this to brag about it, but only to say that that experience is our common experience here on the earth, and yet for the Christian, God intends it for our good, so we might come out shining as the sun and seeking His face more intently than ever and loving and adoring Him more and more. I will testify that His intentions for me for every minute I have spent in that Refiner's fire have always been for my good – always – no exceptions – and if you are His child, it is for your good as well!

  Here's an account I wrote of last Saturday. (The reference to Abigail Hutchinson is from Chapter III of Jonathan Edwards' Narrative of Surprising Conversions; she was a convert under Edwards during the First Great Awakening.)

  This morning I awoke and found myself back in a wretched state, much like the Psalmist in Psalm 73, including being filled with much self-pity and questioning many things. Remembering that Oswald Chambers called self-pity of the devil. I then remembered the verse from Revelation 3 about the open door BEFORE me. That this door has been opened and yet I have failed to see it opening more and I have a little strength. And I have felt it cruel to have had this open door sitting before me without any real further movement, feeling it has been taunting me (though yes, I confess I have seen some movement, but not what *I* would like to see - and believe I have been patient in it).
  
  Then I was reminded and convicted about the door I have not often enough shut BEHIND me, that closet door into which I ought to enter to be praying more.
  
  Then distraught and dismayed over it all, and honestly for a moment wanting to chuck it all, to be through with it all, yet knowing at the same time I could not for He was not going to let me out of His vice, I said to the Lord something like, "Is there really sufficient water for ME?" I STRUCK the Rock which had ALREADY been hit and I KNEW it was grievous even as I said it, but it was how I FELT, with my frustrations increasing and walking at that moment wholly by sight and not faith, so it was wholly out of REACTION of the flesh rather than RESPONSE from the heart which has KNOWN Christ and drunk of Him deeply.
  
  I can barely write what happened next, for it all but consumes me, but almost immediately the phrase "by faith and patience you will inherit the promises" came to me ~ from Hebrews 6.
  
  "'Tis mercy all immense and free
  For, O my God, it found out me!"
  
  He must give me the faith and the patience. I have none. I am a beggar. All I have are disenchantment and doubts rising. Why has He brought me here? All His waves and billows are gone over me. I know very deep in my heart there is a great blessing to be had, but I find it hard to see now.
  
  In the midst of the past few days, I have remembered how I had asked God for resolve like Abigail Hutchinson:
  
  

  "She had great longings to die, that she might be with Christ: which increased until she thought she did not know how to be patient to wait till God’s time. But once, when she felt those longings, she thought with herself, 'If I long to die, why do I go to physicians?' Whence she concluded that her longings for death were not well regulated. After this she often put it to herself, which she should choose, whether to live or to die, to be sick or to be well; and she found she could not tell, till at last she found herself disposed to say these words; 'I am quite willing to live, and quite willing to die; quite willing to be sick, and quite willing to be well; and quite willing for any thing that God will bring upon me! And then,' said she, 'I felt myself perfectly easy, in a full submission to the will of God.' She then lamented much, that she had been so eager in her longings for death, as it argued want of such a resignation to God as ought to be. She seemed henceforward to continue in this resigned frame till death."

  This is it - for us, no matter where we are, "to be quite willing for any thing that God will bring upon me!" The surrendered saint empowered to walk in the way of our Lord and Savior. Ah, for that willingness to be constant and not waning! This is our desire! Nothing else will satisfy our souls now. To be resigned with sweet joy and peace to the will of God for the glory of God! One thing I ask, one thing I seek, that I may dwell in His house forever and have perfect ease for we are walking with Him - whether we are on the mountain top or in the valley, in sickness or in health, in destitution or wealth, in the night seasons or the daylight, in loss or gain! Can we not ask Him to do this work in us so we might truly enjoy Him in it all and give glory to Him in it all?

  
  
  So this is what I asked for and now here is where I am, being greatly tested in my resolve, my willingness to be quite willing for any thing that God will bring upon me!
  
  He alone can complete the work He has begun.
  
  Psalms 138:8: The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands....(KJV)
  
  I am tired - all around tired - I am trusting He will strengthen me. To whom else can I go? To whom else should I go?

  If you read my post from Saturday, once again another poem, the door, the sword, the crown ~ through faith & patience (Hebrews 6:11-12), you'll notice the Revelation 3 reference there as well as the Hebrews 6 reference. So that post came straight from a dark place, a very dark place. I could see how tightly my will was bound and I would say there was never a period of time in my life where it was more tightly bound as it was over the past few weeks. And it was grievous to me because I know how much more Christ and His love had become real to me as of late, how much of His living water I'd drunk, and yet I found myself hewing broken cisterns and drinking stagnant water! How pathetic I was, but God's grace met me there in my feeble cries on Saturday:

  Cleanse me from my sins of unbelief and idolatry Jesus' sake. Grant me strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before me. Holy Spirit, fill me with faith and patience in abundance, so I might not be sluggish but earnest. Fill me with full assurance of hope to keep my eyes fixed on the imperishable crown rather than perishable earthly crowns. Strengthen me to go through the door, employ the sword, run the race and fight the good fight to be pleasing to you and to obtain the promise to Your glory.

  Yesterday I was reading in Jeremiah 31 and profoundly moved by it because like Israel, I could see how I was in a wilderness and yet God grace appeared to me and He met me there with His everlasting love and faithfulness, even as my love and faithfulness were failing.

  1  “At that time, declares the LORD, I will be the God of all the clans of Israel, and they shall be my people.”

  2  Thus says the LORD:
  “The people who survived the sword
  found grace in the wilderness;
  when Israel sought for rest,
  3  the LORD appeared to him from far away.
  I have loved you with an everlasting love;
  therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

  Amen and Amen.

  So there are some reasons why I write poetry . . . I pray God might use my words to encourage you on your pilgrimage here.

  For your joy,
  ~ Karen

  ---

  Related:

  Why I write and minister - My credo for being a godly encourager
  dedication 2010 (reflections on God's Word & God's grace)
  dedication 2010 (addendum): may He temper my tongue with love
  thoughts on necessity (Richard Baxter, myself)
  Get gnawing, put your nose down in the Book to feed the white-hot flame of God's gift
  Make war (Herod, blogging, appetites, the glory of God & the Word of God)
  my ministry & your attitude toward the Word of God
  the lost treasures of Christianity & the call to pray for revival (Bible reading: Ezra 1)
  Considering Jesus: (1) Making time to consider Jesus
  Considering Jesus: (2) Why do we do quiet time anyhow?
  take to heart ALL the words (more on quiet time)
  Where do you go when the world is unlovely? (Psalm 84 & the theology of Biblical counseling)
  As a deer pants ... Is your soul panting for God? (Psalms 42 & 43)
  my best resolutions
  Letter 16 on assurance and fighting for joy (our prayers, His wise denials and joy)
  Letter 25 on assurance and fighting for joy (a strong craving ≠ His joy)
  true repentance leads to joy (Letter 37 on assurance & fighting for joy)
  our Father's discipline, William Cowper on trials & sufferings (letter 61 on assurance & joy)
  Rejoicing here on the Potter's Wheel (Psalm 66) | Letter 96 on assurance & joy
  A Hymn for "Shelf" Times ..."Lord, We Know That Thou Art Near Us"
  Bible Reading-Isaiah: When We Think the LORD Has Forsaken and Forgotten Us
  All things (even bad things) work together for good...

  Scripture quotations unless otherwise indicated are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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