November 27, 2009

• I can't keep walking on eggshells here (more on Revelife, Calvinism, the Body of Christ and self)

  Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

  Since the recent blow-up at Revelife I've been trying to sort a lot of things out...I've been quite stressed and ill at ease. Conflicted. I've felt like my insides were being ripped apart.

  Stretched...and stretched...and stretched...

  The thing about being a child of God is that God's stretching is all for our good, and as we submit ourselves to the will of God by the grace of God, unlike Stretch Armstrong, we don't end up the way we started...we end up far better than we started...looking a bit more like Jesus...the stretching (the discipline) is necessary and profitable...though painful...

  A little background:

  1. I'm a Christian who values unity in the Body of Christ.
  2. I'm a Christian who has a passion to teach the Word of God.
  3. I'm a Christian who is a Calvinist.
  4. I'm a Christian who believes the most God-glorifying way to proclaim the Gospel and teach the Word of God is through the framework of Calvinism.

  (DIsclaimer: I'm not saying that Arminians are not seeking to glorify God. I believe they are.)

  I don't really like the term Calvinist, but I'm going to use it here for the sake of the discussion. I love Jesus Christ, I follow Him first and foremost. It so happens I agree with many of the teachings of John Calvin. Calvin is not my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ is.

  (By the way, try as you may, you can't really fit me into the standard Calvinistic/Reformed Theology box. For example, I don't believe in infant baptism, I'm not cessationist, I don't believe in Covenant theology but New Covenant theology. I have my opinions on those but I will agree to disagree on those matters; they're all nonessentials to our one faith.)

  I do consider much Calvinism (or Reformed theology) Biblical doctrine, especially the Five Solas and TULIP (the five points of Calvinism: total depravity; unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace & perseverance of the saints; for more, please see here or here). Many Christians will disagree with me on some or all of the points of Calvinism. You are welcome to disagree; such disagreement does not mean we are not all part of God's family.

  A few years ago I wasn't a Calvinist. For years I balked at most of Calvinism. Now I'm in the Calvinism tent, which is part of the big tent of Christianity along with all my Arminian brothers and sisters. We're all in the big tent together. We've all been adopted into the same family, God's family, by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. We're all to welcome one another to God's glory. When we don't welcome one another, we're not welcoming the Spirit of Jesus...

  I confess to you that I've felt like I've been walking on eggshells recently. And I've felt like skipping out of this place...

  To explain further, I'll add on a couple more points to the four I already gave:

  1. I'm a Christian who values unity in the Body of Christ.
  2. I'm a Christian who has a passion to teach the Word of God.
  3. I'm a Christian who is a Calvinist.
  4. I'm a Christian who believes the most God-glorifying way to proclaim the Gospel and teach the Word of God is through the framework of Calvinism.
  5. Not all Christians are Calvinist.

  So, you see where that is going...

  6. Not all Christians will like or agree with how I teach the Word of God.

  I will tell you that it grieved me to see some of the responses to my three recent posts on Revelife (two taken down, originally posted on my own blog here and here, and one still up here), particularly the tone of some of my brothers and sisters in Christ. At first I blamed myself for causing the disunity. So I asked Revelife to take the posts down (which they eventually did). Some people pointed out to me that I didn't cause the disunity, but I only served to reveal it. The disunity was already there. (Such disunity in the Church has been there for much longer than any of us have been alive...) In retrospect I can see I overreacted because I was so distressed by the disunity and infighting I saw (plus I didn't want to be put in a situation where I would be disliked – more below on that). I did look through the Revelife archives and found at a post about Calvinism on Revelife from February 2009. Lo and behold, the exact same thing was happening. I don't like this. It makes me sad and it makes me uncomfortable. If you are a child of God, I think this disunity should make you sad and uncomfortable. Though some of the discussion has been commendable, some has not. We're to be eager to endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace; it is clear some of our discussion does not fulfill that Biblical mandate.

  My brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ, so long as we can profess we have been born again by God's Spirit, by grace through faith, that we not trusting in our own works to save us, but Christ's cross and Christ's blood alone, then, though we may not all be on the same theological page, we can say all our names are all written in the Lamb's book of life. As Paul tells us in Ephesians 4 (emphasis, mine)

  4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

  I will say I do have some very definite and serious differences with Arminians about the operation of God in salvation, but I will agree to disagree about those things (and quite strongly, I will add). So long as we are all upholding the basic tenets of the faith, we are all one in Christ. By His grace at work in us, I pray all of us might treat one another as joint-heirs with Jesus and love one another as He has loved us. (Yes, indeed, this is impossible with us, but possible with God!)

  Here's something John Wesley wrote ("The Works of John Wesley").

  To say, "This man is an Arminian," has the same effect on many hearers, as to say, "This is a mad dog." It puts them into a fright at once: They run away from him with all speed and diligence; and will hardly stop, unless it be to throw a stone at the dreadful and mischievous animal....[please reread that now & substitute in Calvinist for Arminian...]

  One word more: Is it not the duty of every Arminian Preacher, First, never, in public or in private, to use the word Calvinist as a term of reproach; seeing it is neither better nor worse than calling names? -- a practice no more consistent with good sense or good manners, than it is with Christianity. Secondly. To do all that in him lies to prevent his hearers from doing it, by showing them the sin and folly of it? And is it not equally the duty of every Calvinist Preacher, First, never in public or in private, in preaching or in conversation, to use the word Arminian as a term of reproach? Secondly. To do all that in him lies to prevent his hearers from doing it, by showing them the sin and folly thereof; and that the more earnestly and diligently, if they have been accustomed so to do? perhaps encouraged therein by his own example!

  (I'm not really sure how well Wesley put this into practice, but I think all of us ought to prayerfully consider his words.)

  We are commanded to bear fruits worthy of repentance. One of the fruits of our faith, one of the tests of our faith, is that we love one another. As we grow in our love and affection for Christ, ought we not be growing in love and affection for His brothers and sisters (in spite of our differences)? I would ask you to allow God to help you examine the comments you have made and the thoughts you have had toward your brothers and sisters in Christ, as I do the same...

  Jesus also told us that the world would know we are His disciples by our love for one another. We can discuss and debate doctrine and argue doctrine until we are blue in the face, we may make some very good points, but I'll ask the question: What is the world looking at more? The points we make or the manner in which we make our points?

  Part of the beauty of the Body of Christ is that though there is unity, there is a lot of diversity. I think God's glory shines brightest in us when we can disagree with our brothers and sisters in Christ in love. That's a supernatural thing, something none of us can work up in our own power, out of our own willpower...

  Know that as I write these things to you, I am writing them to myself as well. There's a 2 x 4 in my eye...I hope God will open all our eyes to see the planks in our own eyes, brothers and sisters, so we might address them appropriately.

  When the Body of Christ is ripped apart, I feel ripped apart, so that's one reason why I've felt I was being ripped up on the inside... I regret to say this, but the reality is this: wherever there are Christians, there will be division (well, until we reach heaven)...so my leaving here won't make the division go away and my not writing about Calvinism won't make the division go away. The division will only go away when we're gathered round the throne. Honestly, if you're not grieved over some of the exchanges that take place here between Christians, I pray that God would help you to have His eyes to see the situation as He does. ("Is My Son divided? What are My children doing anyhow bickering and fighting with each other like this?" "I sent my Son to unite them into one man...")

  I may not agree with you on Arminius.
  You may not agree with me on Calvin.
  But are we not all agreed on Christ?
  By the grace of God, may I be able to look beyond your Arminius and see Christ in you.
  By the grace of God, may you be able to look beyond my Calvin and see Christ in you.
  By the grace of God, may we receive one another and love one another with the love He set on us.
  

  Another reason why I was being ripped up on the inside is because I was trying to please everyone. I have come to see that's impossible. That seems obvious to me now, but it really wasn't so obvious at first.

  In my almost three years of blogging here, I've come away pretty unscathed, but now I'm in the fray. I had actually mentioned to someone this place was toxic, and I was tempted to run away from it. But the thing is: the problem isn't with this place, it's with my sinful, selfish, immature heart. As I already said, no matter where we go in the Body of Christ, we'll get the same thing: divisions and disagreements. I don't like conflict, but if you remain in a place long enough, you end up with some sort of conflict to some extent. So I'm here now in the middle of conflict and have been tempted to cut and run, except I believe God wants me to remain here. Running doesn't get to the root of the problem. More stretching...More ripping...The root of the problem is with my own heart and how I react to conflict.

  More specifically, I will tell you this: I'm Karen and I am a people-pleaser. There. It is now out in the open. I like to be liked. I dislike being disliked. I've alluded to this in other posts, but I don't think I've ever been quite so blunt about it before. I like the praise of men. I find myself seeking men's approval and coveting it. I know that is totally against what it means to live in the Kingdom of God. Such an attitude is disgusting, vile and sinful. It's not at all Christ-like. It's all about self and nothing about Christ. I ought only be seeking to bring God praise and all about His praise and His glory. I am so far from being selfless. I'm too often focused on my own little kingdom and not my King and His Kingdom. On the other side of that is that I don't like insults. And I often take things personally (even when they're not directly addressed at me). My skin is thin. I confess these things to you and ask your prayers for me...

  Since there are both Calvinists and Arminians in the Church, we're never going to see eye to eye on everything, so that means I won't be able to please everyone.

  I'm over 50 years old. God has really been pushing me lately. It's time for me to stop acting like a baby and grow up into Christ and embrace the sonship of my heavenly Father. This is something He's been particularly been impressing on me in the past several months. (I wrote about it here.)

  Though I know and understand God's love more today than ever, I can see how very little I really know or understand His love. How sad! I've been saved for over 27 years. No, not only sad, pathetic. Of course this is not due to any deficiency on God's part. If I truly understood and embraced my Father's love and was totally secure and resting in His love, I would not seek to please people but please Him. I would rest secure in His affirmation and embrace for me in Jesus. I'm weak. Very weak. I continue to be bound up by fear. Fear of failure. Fear of men. Fear of being disliked. Fear of being disapproved. Fear of rejection. etc., etc. Whenever I let my fears overwhelm me, I shrink back in disobedience to the Lord's will for me. Whenever I let my fear overwhelm me, I can't walk in faith. How much do I really know the Father's love if I continue to be bound up in fear? Not very.

  When I began blogging I chose my screen name naphtali_deer because God had impressed upon me Genesis 49:21. (I wrote about it in my very first blog post.)

  The blessing to Naphtali popped out at me: "Naphtali is a deer let loose; he uses beautiful words" (NKJV, Genesis 49:21). In the months prior to that time I could see God beginning to loosen me from many things that were keeping me from worshipping and serving Him as He desired (and that, of course, is His continuing work in me). The phrase "he uses beautiful words" hit me since so often I have used my tongue in ways to harm others rather than to encourage and edify them, and it is God's desire for our words to honor and glorify Him (see James 3:10). My prayer is that this blog glorifies Him and encourages fellow believers in the Body of Christ.

  When I continue to be captivated by fear, I can't be captivated by the love of God and I can't enjoy the birthright Jesus died to bequeath to me. Like the deer let loose, the Lord has unloosened me and set me free from the power of sin, self and Satan to be a slave to Him. As I've been going through this struggle, this stretching, this ripping, this discipline, I remembered that not long ago I had prayed that I would truly understand and be able to live out Paul's words in Galatians 2:20:

  I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

  I find I pray prayers like that and sometimes forget, but God never forgets. He takes that little desire and begins to work...(Be careful what we ask for, right. )

  Yes, I was distraught about the Revelife flap (and still am to some extent), but now I'm seeing in addition to God bringing good out of it for us as a community, He wants to bring good out of it for my own soul. Romans 8:28 once again, my friends. Isn't God wonderful? He is continuing His work of conforming us into His Son's image. Painful but profitable.

  Unless I die to self, I cannot truly live. I'll continue to live to my own flesh, my own desires – and that is no true life. I can't enter Christ's rest so long as I continue to be yoked to other people's expectations. I can't have Christ's joy if my joy is dependent on what other people think of me. That's why I've been conflicted. The life of Christ dwells in my soul. Because the very power that raised Jesus from the dead I can reckon myself dead to sin, dead to self, and alive to Christ. When God tells me to offer myself to Him as a living sacrifice, He gives me the power to do so. I'm no longer married to sin or self but to Him, so any so everything that revolves around self – all the self-seeking, self-protection, self-absorption, self-consciousness, self-aggrandizement, etc.– all of that ought to be decreasing as He increases. These are some of the glorious possibilities I've written about previously here  (and more recently here and here). It discouraged me as I went back at looked at a post I did at the beginning of this year in which I wrote about my bondage to self...How little I've progressed since then, but now the Spirit is turning up the fire to purify me.

  Here's what I wrote on January 3, 2009:
  
  

  What do I need to count as loss for the sake of Christ, for the sake of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord?

  What do I need to count as loss so I might press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus?

  What do I need to count as loss so I might press into the Kingdom of God?

  What hinders me from running as I ought?

  What do I keep holding onto that keeps me from taking hold of that for which Christ has taken hold of me?

  Self

  pride
  self-seeking
  a desire for attention
  a desire to be liked
  a desire for recognition
  a desire for position
  self-consciousness
  a desire for safety
  a desire for security
  a desire for comfort

  Self

  Karen, do you love Me more than these?
  
  Karen, do you love Me?

  Karen, do you love Me?

  Karen, have you forgotten Me, your first love?

  Little child, are you keeping yourself from idols?

  Karen, do you love Me more than yourself?

  As Christians the promised land is ours today; yet so many of us, myself included, continue to live as slaves to sin and self. We continue wandering around in the wilderness, we continue to be ruled by self rather than letting Christ reign. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. We're to serve the world, yes, but never to make the world our master for Christ alone is our Master. My eye is to be single for him. He is my first Love. If I continue to make the world and its opinion of me my first love, I'm in very big trouble. Anytime I try to straddle the fence, anytime I'm trying to serve two masters, I can't be happy. That was another part of the ripping inside. God is saying to me: Are you choosing to please Me or to please the world?

  Jesus always sought to do the will of His Father and always did what pleased Him. I must do the same. Yes, I'm called to serve and love others, but serving others and loving others may not always mean pleasing them (HT: Lonnie). I'm trusting the Lord will help me to know Him and His love more and more. I'm trusting the Father's embrace will be more than enough for me, no matter what others might say about me or think about me. My God will never reject me or forsake me. As I become rooted more deeply in His love I will be able to run and not grow weary and walk and not faint. Ephesians 3:16-19 is my continuing prayer, O, that I might know Christ's love for me more and more! Praise God that He can do in me, and in all of us, exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine!

  So where does this leave me in regard to blogging?

  In the past several days it had come to the point where I realized I couldn't keep walking on eggshells. It was tearing me apart on the inside.

  For a short time, I actually contemplated and prayed about whether I could teach from more of a middle-ground theology, so I might be approved of men and might not upset my Arminian friends. I quickly came to see that would not only be self-seeking, an attempt to protect myself, but it also would be walking in disobedience to God's will for me. To write that way would be compromising my basic belief that God is most glorified as I write and teach through the framework of Calvinism. Such a compromise would be disingenuous and toxic to my soul. There might be more outward peace, there might be less conflict on the outside, but there would be no inner peace, I would continue to be ripped up on the inside.

  I can't ever compromise in what I believe God is leading me to do, no matter how uncomfortable or difficult it might be for me, no matter what other people may think of me. So, as a servant of Christ first, and as your servant second, I'm going for serving God and not myself. I'm going to continue to write as I have since I am seeking to glorify God first and foremost...I am trusting God's love and God's grace will be sufficient for me and His power will guard and uphold me as I walk in the works He's ordained for me. He is my loving heavenly Father. Will my Father who gave me His Son Jesus Christ not freely give me all things I need? I need never fear His will for me. I'm not saying that will will always be easy...As I said, He is pushing me now: "Are you going to fear men or fear Me? Are you seeking to please Me or please men?"

  For me to no longer teach through a Calvinistic perspective would be at best telling me to fight with one hand tied behind my back, and at worst cutting off my arm or telling me to just turn off brain. It's the framework through which the whole Bible and God's glorious plan of redemption makes sense to me. That may not be your framework. So be it. I hope and pray you will agree to disagree with me in love. (If not – well, I must keep reminding myself I can't control what you think or say, but as God's Spirit works in me I can be self-controlled and can continue to look to my Father's steadfast love for me rather than seeking your love and approval. I must strive to continue to enter into Christ's rest that He purchased for me at Calvary: that I have been and am fully accepted in the Beloved – even if you choose not to accept me.) And by the grace of God, I hope and pray I will agree to disagree with you in love (again – impossible with me!). I intend to write as the Lord leads me. By His grace, I pray I would no longer walk on eggshells here (or anywhere), but to follow His lead with confidence and assurance and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. As I write I do and know I must be careful about what I write because I must be true to Him and follow Him wholeheartedly. I know I can't abuse or misuse the freedom Christ has given me...This is a stewardship He has given me. I receive it humbly. I have nothing I have received but from His nail pierced hands. I have nothing I have received but through the cross of Christ. My salvation comes from Him. My ministry comes from Him. My writing comes from Him. I must conduct myself in a way that reflects well on Him and brings Him honor and not reproach. You may not agree with my content, but I hope and pray He will guard me in my conduct so I might never reflect poorly on Christ or grieve His Holy Spirit by the manner in which I write or speak. I know I will not do that perfectly, but as His Holy Spirit works in me, it is my earnest desire to do so.

  I hope and pray God will use my communications here to point souls to Christ (not Calvin): to build up the Body of Christ and to bring souls to salvation for His glory. I hope you have the same ambition. As Christians we have a wonderful opportunity here; there are many hurting and lost souls in the Xanga and Revelife community. May God give us eyes to see the fields white for harvest right here! I am trusting our Lord will equip us all to do His will and bless our efforts as we follow Him so one day all of us bring our sheaves with us and rejoice and be privileged to stand before Him and hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant..."

  I also believe God has some of us here for a purpose bigger than we can imagine, that of helping to usher a season of revival into His Church. Sometimes I think that's crazy, but throughout Church history we have seen that time and time again God does use ordinary people like us and ordinary places like this! Simon Peter? Who was he? Nazareth? What kind of place was that? Each one of us? Who are we? Xanga? Revelife? What kind of place is this? Call me crazy, call me a dreamer – and as much as the devil continues to taunt me, to try to steal my dreams and snuff out my joy – I still do believe something good, something very good can come out of Xanga and Revelife! Therefore I wholeheartedly welcome any and all of you, be you Arminian, Calvinist or any and all things in between, any of you who have seen that we as a Church are so very poor and needy, that our only hope is for our Lord to rend the heavens and come down and revive us again, to contact me, so we can band together and contend for the Gospel and the Kingdom of God as one man.

  Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, let us act like men, be strong.
  Let all that we do be done in love.
  I Corinthians 16:13-14, adapted

  In Christ's love, for His Kingdom and glory, seeking His face,
  Karen

  ---

  
  Edit (12.12.09) - You may wish to read these follow-up posts:

  • we are a wilderness and a desolation today (lack of love in the Church | Isaiah 64:10-11)
  • How do we know if we're speaking the truth in love?
  • "Lord, please send a brother or sister to help me." (The Good Samaritan parable redux)
  • What kind of pony are you asking for for Christmas?
  • How can we say we are unified when ... ?

  • 1:37 PM
  • 33 Comments