| | Where in the World Is Naphtali Deer?
If I were to pick a postcard to let you know where I am right now, I'd have to say I'm at an in-between place, in a liminal(1) space. I'm somewhere yet I'm nowhere. At the moment I have no set address, no set home.
I'm at that place between leaving one congregation and being part of another.
Rather than feeling like Naphtali, the deer set free, leaping and running free, I feel more like a deer whose eyes have just met with a set of headlights--somewhat dazed and stunned. At unexpected times I find myself staring off into space, my thought processes suspended, as various snap shots from our years at this congregation flash before my eyes.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-7
Probably one of the most heart-wrenching decisions a Christian can make is to leave a congregation.
We have been part of this congregation for more than half our married life--over thirteen years. I think even if you've only been at a place for a short time and have felt a part of it, it can be difficult to leave. It's hard to leave the familiar. However, as we sheep graze the old familiar pasture we sometimes have difficulty hearing the Shepherd's voice calling us to venture out into a new, unfamiliar pasture. We too easily become attached to people, places and things and often those attachments cause us to turn a deaf ear to the call of God in our lives. When Jesus commands us to follow Him, we must put aside anything that prevents us doing so.
We have decided it is time to move on. To move on to unknown, unfamiliar pasture.
Throughout the Bible we can see how God has His people on the move--for example, think Abraham, Moses, the Israelites, the apostles, Paul.
We can also see that God Himself has always been on the move. His Spirit was hovering over the waters. God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden. God traveled along with the stiff-necked Israelites in the desert. God sent His Word to rebellious Israel through a multitude of prophets. The covenant God continued to show mercy to a remnant and bring them back after exile. Then we witness the magnificent movement of the Son of God from heaven to earth in the form of a baby, Emmanuel. God with us. Thirty years later we see the grand and glorious movement of the three persons of the Trinity coming together on earth at Jesus' baptism as hear the voice of God the Father and see the Holy Spirit descending like a dove to rest on Jesus Christ. The coming of Christ was the Kingdom of God come to man since in our own strength we cannot neither move toward God or embrace His Kingdom. Jesus Himself was often on the move, to solitary places to pray alone and to the temple for corporate worship. He went to Samaria as well as Jerusalem. He spent time with both Pharisees and prostitutes. Then we see Jesus travel to the cross, to take the curse we deserved and He descended into hell so all who believe on His Name could become children of God. Then Jesus was raised from the dead and came forth from the tomb. Then Jesus returned to heaven, and on Pentecost we see the Father keeping the promise of Jesus that God the Father would send the Holy Spirit to abide with us forever. The Spirit came like a rushing mighty wind and fire to bring new life to dead souls and resurrection power to transform hearts and minds, and to turn the world upside down. And one day Jesus will return to the earth. Our God is a God of movement.
In the wilderness, when the pillar of cloud or fire moved, the people moved.
When God directs us to move, He expects us to move.
If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour.
-John 12:26
When God called Abram out of Ur, He didn't give him a road map complete with driving directions and the final destination.
Now the LORD had said to Abram:
“Get out of your country,
From your family
And from your father’s house,
To a land that I will show you."
-Genesis 12:1, NKJV™
That's sort of where we are at now: called out with no road map:
Now the LORD had said to us:
"Get out of your congregation...
To a congregation that I will show you."
We may not have a road map, we may not have a pillar of cloud or fire, but we do have God's indwelling Holy Spirit to guide us. God is still in our midst. The LORD of hosts is still with us. Our good Shepherd leads and directs us:
I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.
-Psalm 32:8
This morning we sang "Jesus, My Great High Priest" during our worship service, my last time of Sunday morning worship with my old congregation. What a precious and poignant reminder of my Shepherd's constant care:
I love my Shepherd's voice,
His watchful eyes shall keep
My wand'ring soul among
The thousands of His sheep:
He feeds His flock, He calls their names,
His bosom bears the tender lambs.(2)
* * *
During this decision-making process I have questioned whether I had completed the work God had for me at our congregation. Could I have done more or should I have done more? Was there more work left for me to do? I have gone through a list of "What if" questions. Can I say, as Jesus did, that I had finished the work God had given me to do?
In the midst of all this, the Holy Spirit sweetly brought to mind one of one of the phrases that hit me in our abiding study this summer, except this wasn't a phrase spoken by Jesus, it was spoken by John the Baptist:
John said, "I indeed....but He [Jesus]." (See Matthew 3:11; Mark 1:8; Luke 3:16.)
-John knew the work he had to do and the work Christ was to do.
-John did his work; he did not try to do Christ's work.
-John did the work God had for him, no more no less.
-John received his ministry from God and was sent by God.
-John was under God's authority and direction: he did not choose the place or type of ministry.
-John knew he was sent to minister as long as God desired: he did not choose the length of ministry.
-John knew who he was and he knew who Christ was.
-John knew he was the friend of the bridegroom and Christ was the bridegroom.
-John knew he was the one preparing the way for Messiah and that Christ was Messiah.
-John understood Christ must decrease and he must increase.
-John knew that Christ was above all.
Not trying to equate myself with John the Baptist by any means, but as I looked back, I began to ask these same things of myself and my time at this congregation (you may find this helpful to do as well).
I indeed...but He.
Can I say, "I indeed...but He"?
-Did I know the work I had to do and the work Christ was to do?
-Did I do my work and not try to do Christ's work?
-Did I do the work God had for me, no more, no less?
-Did I remember I had received my ministry from God and was sent by God?
-Did I see myself as under God's authority and direction: that I did not choose the place or type of ministry?
-Did I remember I was sent to minister as long as God desired: that I could not choose the length of ministry?
-Did I know who I was and who Christ was?
-Did I remember I was the friend of the bridegroom and Christ was the bridegroom?
-Did I remember I was the one preparing the way for Messiah and that Christ was Messiah?
-Did I understand Christ must increase and I must decrease?
-Did I remember that Christ was above all?
Then, in addition to these questions, probably the most important question I should be asking is "Did I love well?"
Did I suffer long?
Was I kind?
Did I not envy?
Did I not parade myself?
Was I not puffed up?
Did I not behave rudely?
Did I not seek my own?
Was I not easily provoked?
Did I not think evil?
Did I not rejoice in iniquity but rejoice in the truth?
Did I bear all things?
Did I believe all things?
Did I hope all things?
Did I endure all things?
As I read and reflect on I Corinthians 13, sadly I must confess the answer was often, "No." And we know what the apostle Paul says about that...I am nothing. It profits me nothing.
I cannot say I did everything well or everything right. In fact, there were times I did things poorly and did things wrong. In His goodness, mercy and grace, God has continued to teach me, one of His difficult pupils, many, many lessons through the years, the biggest of which were through my own sinfulness. Sadly, there are lessons He continues to bring to me since I am so slow to learn.
I look and see that there is work I would have longed to have completed there, but I have come to the conclusion that God is telling me that is not my work to do and my time there is finished. That was hard to hear. It's hard to let go of a dream. It's hard to put aside a vision.
Yet I now believe God has freed me to move forward and to move on to new pasture.
(Like Moses who wasn't allowed to go into the Promised Land, I do wonder if perhaps I hit one too many rocks....)
I don't know why I'm not allowed to continue that work. I do not know God's mind. I am not God's counsellor. If it were up to me, I would have had things work out differently. I would be writing the story differently. But it is not up to me.
O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor? Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again? For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.
God is always working things for His glory and for the good of those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose. Sometimes we don't see how that really makes sense in the here and now.
All I can do is to remember that He sits and reigns above the circle of the earth...He is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable (see Isaiah 40).
Right now I pray to the God of all grace for sufficient grace to continue to worship and trust Him as Job did, not to sin or charge God with wrong: "The LORD gave me this time at this congregation, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD."
To every thing there is a season...
and so our season at this congregation has come to an end.
Most mornings I end up reading Psalm 116 (NKJV™). Because Jesus Christ has redeemed me, I owe Him my life. If I am to be His faithful servant, I must die to my own desires and be willing to render all unto God, no matter where that may take me:
12 What shall I render to the LORD
For all His benefits toward me?
13 I will take up the cup of salvation,
And call upon the name of the LORD.
14 I will pay my vows to the LORD
Now in the presence of all His people.
15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
Is the death of His saints.
16 O LORD, truly I am Your servant;
I am Your servant, the son of Your maidservant;
You have loosed my bonds.
17 I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving,
And will call upon the name of the LORD.
18 I will pay my vows to the LORD
Now in the presence of all His people,
19 In the courts of the LORD’s house,
In the midst of you, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD!
Now God is testing me on this Psalm 116 commitment...
It's one thing to pray wonderful prayers and sing songs of commitment and surrender to God. We all do it each Sunday and often during the week as we pray, read Scripture and listen to and sing worship music. If we really paid attention to a lot of the words we read and sing, we might begin to get a sick feeling in the pit of our stomaches and say, "What am I saying? What am I singing? Do I really mean this?"
It's easy to pray those prayers and sing those songs so long as what God asks me to do is what I think is best. At those times I can merrily sing along, "Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee."
It's a whole other thing when His will crosses mine or when He asks me to do something that I don't understand or doesn't make sense to me. At those times it becomes a struggle to say or sing those same words, yet all the same, they must be offered up as a sacrifice of praise to my God: "Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee."
Like Jesus, I must say, "Not my will, but Yours, be done."
He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.
-I Corinthians 5:15
I am not to live to myself but to the Lord. I am not my own, I have been bought with a price and therefore I must glorify Him with my life. I must be willing to submit to His will. Like Jesus, I am to be about my Father's business. I am under His authority and direction. I am sent by God. The timing and the place I am to be is His to decide, not mine. I must allow the Potter to follow through on the plans He has for me, the clay. As He takes me in His hands, I must say, "Father, I don't understand yet help me submit to You and make me willing."
May I always be willing that God should use his own methods with me!(3)
For many, many years now, my first resolution each morning is to attach myself to nothing but the will of God alone. I have learned that the will of God is the love of God. And by the outpouring of His grace, I have so merged my will with His that whatever He wills, I will too. Therefore, I have always been happy.(4)
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
O, Lord, let me always be willing for You to use Your own methods with me. Let my will be so merged to You and my life united to You so I might be happy in You, no matter where You lead and no matter what time or season I might be in for I know that You are with me through them all. You gave me this time and season. And now You have taken it away.
Blessed be Your Name, LORD.
Blessed be Your Name, LORD.
Blessed be Your Name, LORD.
(1) I wasn't familiar with the concept of liminality until I had read Next Reformation's Leonard Hjalmarson's Forty Years in a Narrow Space. I reread the article as I was finishing writing all this and found great encouragement there. Now as I think about it, I realize that I've been journeying through a "liminal" space for the past few years....
(2) "Jesus, My Great High Priest," words by Isaac Watts, music by Randal Swiggum. (Thanks, Randy.)
(3) The Life and Diary of the Rev. David Brainerd with Notes and Reflections from "The Works of Jonathan Edwards, Volume 2," available at http://www.ccel.org/ccel/edwards/works2.ix.html.
(4) This is part of the story of John Tauler from George Maloney's "In Jesus We Trust (Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 1990), 129, as quoted by Brennan Manning in "Ruthless Trust: The Ragamuffin's Path to God" (NY: Harper Collins, 2000).
Scripture quotations from KJV, except as indicated.
Scripture quotations marked "NKJV™" are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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